Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Communicus, Irritus, and Aqueous



Phartus communicus, or the Telephone Fart as it is commonly called, is usually produced during telephone conversations. It may occur while dialing, or while

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waiting for an answer on the other end of the

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line, but more often is experienced during the actual conversation.

The Phartus communicus/phartus domesticus combination is quite common.


Commonly known as the Ripper, this variety is a quite uncomfortable experience. It produces a minimal amount of pain and is caused by trying to turn a phartus minimus into a phartus maximus. The phartus irritus should be avoided if possible.


The Bathtub Fart is a quite interesting and enjoyable variety. It occurs during bathing, but may also occur at the swimming pool or after falling from a moving boat. Although it is usually of the phartus phartus variety, it is sometimes mistakenly classified as a phartus maximus.
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The sound made by the phartus aqueous varies. It is dependent upon the depth of the water, the broad classification in to which the fart falls,and the chemical contents of the actual gasses present. Most phartus aqueous are a lot of fun and may be enjoyed by adults and children equally.