Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Extremis And Phartus Anonymous



The Super Fart as it is commonly know, phartus extremis is easily audible even at distances approaching 25 feet.  Phartus extremis will not support human or animal life and should not be produced in confined areas or near heat or flame.  Insects in close proximity are usually asphyxiated and some damage to foliage has been reported on occasion.

Owners of chili parlors, great apes, women wrestlers, roller derby queens, Alabama Highway Patrolmen, expectanct mothers, sea-faring men and little old ladies have been known to produce phartus extremis.


Phartus anonymous is commonly called the Silent But Deadly variety and is not in the audible range.  It is highly offensive to the olfactory senses and may produce nasal discharge and a burning sensation of the mucous membranes.  It can be either short or long in duration.  The full extent of the atmospheric effects of this variety are not known at this time.  This particular variety should not be confused with the phartus whisperus, or the Whispering Fart, which is a special varitey and may fall into any of the the above categories. (See phartus whisperus).

Secret service agents, government employees, IRS employees and little old ladies are suspected of being responsible for prudction the phartus anononymous variety in great number, however this has not been verfiied as yet.

These then are the five basic sub-divisions into which all farts may be classified.  However, it must be noted at this point that there are two other special variteis that should be explained.  Theses two varieties will be spceial forms of the one of the above listings.