Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Caninis, Felinus, and Reptillius



This is the famous and well known Dog Fart. It is prevalent in most homes that house members of the canine family. The p. caninis is usually high in OOU’s and can smell like anything imaginable. It is also known as the “Hi. How Do You Do” Fart.

This grouping may be broken down into a great many individual types, the most common of which are p. caninis laboradoris, p. caninis great danis, p.caninis german shepherdis, p. caninis st. bernardis, p. caninis greyhoundis.

There are indeed a great many variations of this variety. For example, in mixed breed dogs you may find production of a phartus caninis laboradois/shepherdis/collius, etc., etc., etc.

It should be noted that large dogs will produce p. caninis at any time they desire, and quite often. However, small, snipy nosed, smart ass dogs will sneak around and be very covert about doing it.


This is one of the rarest of all farts. The phartus felinus is quite uncommon, since most cats are born with only nine fart embryos which are not replaced once used. Therefore, except for rare occasions and mutations each cat is allowed only nine farts in his or her lifetime.

Scientists have studied this rarest of phenomenons and have concluded by their studies that the ability to create farts, in the animal world, has a direct relationship to intelligence. Therefore, they have concluded that members of the feline family are, by far, the stupidest of all animals.

Phartus felinus, on the rare instances when reported, have been found to be the highest of all farts in OOU’s and generally smell of dead fish, rotting birds, and small putrified rodents.


Also known as the Reptile Fart, this variety is quite old. It has been known by several names, including the ancient version known as phartus dinosauris. Modern versions include the p. snakis, which may be further broken down to p. constrictoris, p. diamond backis, p. cobrus, etc., as well as the p. turtlus, p. alligatoris, and p. lizardus.