PHARTUS INSECTUS

This is the Bug Fart. It is small. It is short. And it is hard to hear. Common varieties include p. mosquitois, p. flyis, p. dragnoflyis, p. locustis, p. spiderus, and p. gnatis.

PHARTUS SWINUS

The phartus swinus, or Pig Fart, is one of the most disgusting varieties known to man or beast. It is the most disagreeable odor and usually is emitted as a spray in semi-liquid form rather than as a pure gas. It may travel airborne a distance of 8 to 12 feet before gravity overtakes it. The location in which the p. swinus falls to earth will not support plant life for seven years, and the earth will generally become a slimy, muddy mire.