Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – The Stationary Fart (Pharticus Staticus)


The following are the most common varieties of the stationary fart. The list has been compiled from years of research and study and does not, in fact, contain each and every possible variety. It does, however, contain the most often reported types and is therefore as usable a reference as is available at this time.


The Breakfast Fart, as it is commonly called, occurs during the morning meal. Phartus primus is not the most common variety of stationary farts, since at this time of day, excess phartus embryo count is relatively low. This is due to the fact that the majority have been utilized for the production of phartus somnious, or the Sleeping Fart. Phartus primus usually falls into the basic sub-family phartus minimus, and occasionally, phartus phartus.


This is the well known Lunch Fart. It is usually of the well known phartus phartus variety. On occasion however, depending upon the volume and the type of food consumed at breakfast and/or lunch, a phartus maximus may be produced. Inversely, in large corporate lunchrooms and finer restaurants, reports of phartus anonymous sub-specii are not uncommon.