Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Automobilus, Johndeerus, Locomotis, and Marinus



The Automobile, Auto, or Car Fart accounts for the majority of the phartus mobilus. It is prevalent at all hours of the day in all developed countries throughout the world. Between the hours of 7:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m., and again between 4:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m., there is a heavy concentration of phartus automobilus production, especially in areas surrounding major cities. Phartus transitus and phartus transitus subterraneous are also prevalent at these times. There seems also to be a minor peak activity between 8:00 p.m. and 1:00 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays.

In a more refined breakdown, our researchers found the phartus chevroletus, phartus fordus, and phartus chryslerus to be the leaders in the number of production. However, the phartus datsunus, phartus toyotus, and phartus hondus are quickly rising in number and forecasters predict that soon they will surpass the three present leaders. On the far end of the spectrum we find the phartus porschus, phartus mercedus, and phartus cadillacus.


The phartus johndeerus is the most common variation of the Farm Fart. It is produced usually while riding a tractor or farm implement of the some type. It is more common during the spring, summer, and fall, and occurs less often during the winter months.

Other varieties known include the phartus harvestus, and phartus farmallus.


This variety, known commonly as the Train Fart, is almost extinct. However, it is still occasionally reported but not with the frequency it was a few years ago.


Phartus marinus, or the Ship Fart, is common in areas between New York and Paris and is also found in the areas of water off the Florida and California coasts. During weekends it is reported quite often in major lake areas in the Midwest and Southern United States. In the areas first mentioned, phartus marinus has an odor similar to that of caviar and champagne, while in the latter areas it more resembles the odor of bologna, beer, and catfish bait.