Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Exhaustus And Classifications



This variety, commonly known as the Running, Jumping, or Jogging Fart, is encountered at athletic events, track meets, boxing matches, in the park or at the Olympics. It is usually of the phartus maximus variety. It may resemble orange juice or breakfast cereals in order.

There are, in fact, many other lesser known varieties and types of farts. However, those listed are the more common, easily identifiable, and readily recognizable types and this listing should prove quite sufficient for most occasions.

With the information thus far revealed, the ardent fart student can, by careful study and memorization, quickly learn to discern the various types of each of the varieties commonly encountered.

As far as actual classification is concerned, the International Fart Institute has set up a scientific order for identifying the various types. This order dictates that, when classifying a particular fart, the sub-family is given first, followed by the variety, and finally the type.

For example, if the fart to be classified is of the average, everyday, common variety, of medium volume and average OOU count, it will fall into the classification of the phartus phartus sub-family.

Secondly, if this fart was produced while rowing a boat, it is of the phartus mobilus variety.

And finally, since the fart was produced on or in water, it is of the phartus aqueous type.

Therefore, the scientific classification would be phartus phartus/phartus mobilus/phartus aqueous.

All farts to be identified, and all newly discovered varieties and types should be classified according to this order to eliminate confusion and help reduce the possibility of mis-classification.

Let us take an example for clarification. Suppose you are taking a vacation and while riding in your car, your infant daughter produces a fart that you would classify as the phartus minimus variety. Let us assume further that, upon examination of the child’s diaper it appeared to be of the phartus infantus bananacus variety. We can then classify the fart as follows: phartus miniumus/phartus mobilus/phartus automobilus/phartus infantus bananacus.

If the same thing happened aboard ship, the classification would be thus: phartus minimus/phartus mobilus/phartus marinus/phartus infantus bananacus.

Remember, one of the five major classifications first. Second, one of the two major varieties. Third, the type. And finally, the specific version of the type.


When giving the exact scientific nomenclature for a particular fart, it is acceptable to use p. for the family name. In other words, a phartus minimus could be simplified to p. minimus.