Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Communicus, Irritus, and Aqueous

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PHARTUS COMMUNICUS

Phartus communicus, or the Telephone Fart as it is commonly called, is usually produced during telephone conversations. It may occur while dialing, or while

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line, but more often is experienced during the actual conversation. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Communicus, Irritus, and Aqueous

Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Botanicus, Somnious, Humorous, and Domesticus

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PHARTUS BOTANICUS

The phartus botanicus, or Yard Fart, occurs outdoors. It is commonly associated with menial tasks such as mowing the lawn, raking leaves, cleaning gutters, spreading fertilizer, etc. It is usually of the phartus phartus variety. This type is closely associated with the phartus botanicus mobilus which is identical in characteristics but falls under the phartus mobilus species.

PHARTUS SOMNIOUS

Also known as the Sleeping Fart, this type occurs during sleep and is usually unnoticed by the producer. It is commonly reported however in dormitories, military barracks, and on camping outings.

PHARTUS HUMOROUS

The Laughing Fart occurs during periods of hysterical laughter. It is uncontrollable and usually develops in a spiral fart loop, i.e., the laughter produces the fart, which causes more laughter, which produces another fart, which causes more laughter, etc., etc.

PHARTUS DOMESTICUS

This is the common Housewife Fart. It is usually experienced during such activities as ironing, cleaning the oven, vacuuming, washing dishes, making beds, reading the newspaper or using the Johnny mop. It is usually of the phartus phartus variety.

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Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Majoris, Post Majoris, and Cellulous

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PHARTUS MAJORIS

This is one of the most common types of phartus staticus and is usually known as the Dinner Fart.  The output will usually reflect the producer’s lunch intake.  It has been cited as the cause of many family arguments, but should be noted that the phartus majoris is, in fact, not more than a scapegoat for a more deeply rooted family problem. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Majoris, Post Majoris, and Cellulous

Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – The Stationary Fart (Pharticus Staticus)

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The following are the most common varieties of the stationary fart. The list has been compiled from years of research and study and does not, in fact, contain each and every possible variety. It does, however, contain the most often reported types and is therefore as usable a reference as is available at this time. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – The Stationary Fart (Pharticus Staticus)

Booger Darts

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The hot, dry season in Texas, yes we only have one season down here, led me to a massive discovery that I now must share with you.  And my what a lovely opportunity as well.  Of all the searches of all the Googles, I’ve yet to find any information on this so it’s my job to show you what I’m talking about.  Oh, “What is it?”, you say?  It’s Booger Darts. Continue reading Booger Darts