Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Note

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NOTE:

It should be noted that the phartus domesticus, or Housewife Fart, is oderless. No wives produce any farts that smell. This is a well know n fact and should be here noted. However, it should be noted that divorced women will occasionally produce what is known as the phartus domesticus separatus. This variety will have an odor. Also, women who have been married twice have known to produce the phartus domesticus II version. This variety, too, has an odor. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Note

Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Interruptus and Phartus Whisperus

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PHARTUS INTERRUPTUS

The Parted Fart, as it is commonly known, is a special category and will fall into one of the five broad classifications above.  This strange phenomenon occurs when a fart is produced in two or more short bursts, each appearing to be individual and separate.  This may indeed be the case.

Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Interruptus and Phartus Whisperus

Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Extremis And Phartus Anonymous

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PHARTUS EXTREMIS

The Super Fart as it is commonly know, phartus extremis is easily audible even at distances approaching 25 feet.  Phartus extremis will not support human or animal life and should not be produced in confined areas or near heat or flame.  Insects in close proximity are usually asphyxiated and some damage to foliage has been reported on occasion. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Extremis And Phartus Anonymous

Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Minimus, Phartus, And Maximus

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Phartus Minimus

This is more commonly know as the lightweight or Mini Fart. It is usually identified by its short duration and low noise level. Hoerver, this particular variety should not be confused with the Silent But Deadly variety (see phartus anonymous). Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Minimus, Phartus, And Maximus

Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – The Family

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Farts (family Phartus) can be divided by their basic characteristics into two major sub-families: your farts and the farts of someone else.  These two sub-families are definite and do not overlap.  Even the most novice of fart students can usually tell into which of these two sub-families all farts will fall. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – The Family

Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Definition Of Terms

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Before an in depth study of any subject may begin, a clear and concise definition of terms must be rendered. Let us refer first to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, copyright 1971 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Therein we find the following entry: Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Definition Of Terms

You Have Entered the Phone Zone

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So after struggling through my neat vintage Aiwa home theater Goodwill grab and nearly crunching the tap on the Phone Antics tape, I finally found a way to get the sound off.  For those who don’t remember, the holiday Epidose featured a gift exchange that included this weird looking Phone Antics tape.  Welp, I dug an old Walkman and was able to play the tape in its entirety.  A Gonzo tape indeed. Continue reading You Have Entered the Phone Zone

Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – About Uncle Mike…

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Uncle Mike was born in the Missouri Ozarks in 1924.  He lived in the woods and was basically a hermit.  His life was meager and he barely managed to get by.  He was a very intelligent man and spent his life studying the flora and fauna of the Ozark woods and conducted scientific experiments.  Everyone assumed he would one day die in the woods that he had loved those many years. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – About Uncle Mike…