This variety, commonly known as the Running, Jumping, or Jogging Fart, is encountered at athletic events, track meets, boxing matches, in the park or at the Olympics. It is usually of the phartus maximus variety. It may resemble orange juice or breakfast cereals in order. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Exhaustus And Classifications
This is the well known Military, or Marching Fart. It is common in the areas of military bases, more so in those bases utilized specifically and entirely for basic training of new recruits. It is usually of the phartus phartus variety and is sometimes preceded by the word “sir”. It carries the odor of chipped beef on toast and sometimes that of powdered eggs. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Militarus, Boogieus, Aqueous Mobilus, and Coitus
This is the famous Dripping Fart and is usually a very alarming experience for the producer. The producer may assume, and generally correctly, that he has produced something different than he had intended. Phartus precipitous is usually followed by a quick trip to the bathroom for checking. Usually a change of underwear is in order. There is no way know at the present time to avoid or predict
the occurrence of the phartus precitpitous. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Precipitous, Infantus, McPhartus, Popcornus, and Fowlfetus
Phartus communicus, or the Telephone Fart as it is commonly called, is usually produced during telephone conversations. It may occur while dialing, or while waiting for an answer on the other end of the line, but more often is experienced during the actual conversation. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Communicus, Irritus, and Aqueous
The phartus botanicus, or Yard Fart, occurs outdoors. It is commonly associated with menial tasks such as mowing the lawn, raking leaves, cleaning gutters, spreading fertilizer, etc. It is usually of the phartus phartus variety. This type is closely associated with the phartus botanicus mobilus which is identical in characteristics but falls under the phartus mobilus species.
Also known as the Sleeping Fart, this type occurs during sleep and is usually unnoticed by the producer. It is commonly reported however in dormitories, military barracks, and on camping outings.
The Laughing Fart occurs during periods of hysterical laughter. It is uncontrollable and usually develops in a spiral fart loop, i.e., the laughter produces the fart, which causes more laughter, which produces another fart, which causes more laughter, etc., etc.
This is the common Housewife Fart. It is usually experienced during such activities as ironing, cleaning the oven, vacuuming, washing dishes, making beds, reading the newspaper or using the Johnny mop. It is usually of the phartus phartus variety.
The following are the most common varieties of the stationary fart. The list has been compiled from years of research and study and does not, in fact, contain each and every possible variety. It does, however, contain the most often reported types and is therefore as usable a reference as is available at this time. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – The Stationary Fart (Pharticus Staticus)
The Parted Fart, as it is commonly known, is a special category and will fall into one of the five broad classifications above. This strange phenomenon occurs when a fart is produced in two or more short bursts, each appearing to be individual and separate. This may indeed be the case.
Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Interruptus and Phartus Whisperus
This is more commonly know as the lightweight or Mini Fart. It is usually identified by its short duration and low noise level. Hoerver, this particular variety should not be confused with the Silent But Deadly variety (see phartus anonymous). Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Minimus, Phartus, And Maximus