This variety, commonly known as the Running, Jumping, or Jogging Fart, is encountered at athletic events, track meets, boxing matches, in the park or at the Olympics. It is usually of the phartus maximus variety. It may resemble orange juice or breakfast cereals in order. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Exhaustus And Classifications
This is the well known Military, or Marching Fart. It is common in the areas of military bases, more so in those bases utilized specifically and entirely for basic training of new recruits. It is usually of the phartus phartus variety and is sometimes preceded by the word “sir”. It carries the odor of chipped beef on toast and sometimes that of powdered eggs. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Militarus, Boogieus, Aqueous Mobilus, and Coitus
The Automobile, Auto, or Car Fart accounts for the majority of the phartus mobilus. It is prevalent at all hours of the day in all developed countries throughout the world. Between the hours of 7:00 a.m. and 9:00 a.m., and again between 4:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m., there is a heavy concentration of phartus automobilus production, especially in areas surrounding major cities. Phartus transitus and phartus transitus subterraneous are also prevalent at these times. There seems also to be a minor peak activity between 8:00 p.m. and 1:00 a.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Automobilus, Johndeerus, Locomotis, and Marinus
Phartus mobilus is, as the name implies, a fart produced while in motion. The basic or well known types are listed below with a brief description of each type. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – THE MOBILE FART (Phartus Mobilus)
This is the famous Dripping Fart and is usually a very alarming experience for the producer. The producer may assume, and generally correctly, that he has produced something different than he had intended. Phartus precipitous is usually followed by a quick trip to the bathroom for checking. Usually a change of underwear is in order. There is no way know at the present time to avoid or predict
the occurrence of the phartus precitpitous. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Precipitous, Infantus, McPhartus, Popcornus, and Fowlfetus
Phartus communicus, or the Telephone Fart as it is commonly called, is usually produced during telephone conversations. It may occur while dialing, or while waiting for an answer on the other end of the line, but more often is experienced during the actual conversation. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Communicus, Irritus, and Aqueous
The phartus botanicus, or Yard Fart, occurs outdoors. It is commonly associated with menial tasks such as mowing the lawn, raking leaves, cleaning gutters, spreading fertilizer, etc. It is usually of the phartus phartus variety. This type is closely associated with the phartus botanicus mobilus which is identical in characteristics but falls under the phartus mobilus species.
Also known as the Sleeping Fart, this type occurs during sleep and is usually unnoticed by the producer. It is commonly reported however in dormitories, military barracks, and on camping outings.
The Laughing Fart occurs during periods of hysterical laughter. It is uncontrollable and usually develops in a spiral fart loop, i.e., the laughter produces the fart, which causes more laughter, which produces another fart, which causes more laughter, etc., etc.
This is the common Housewife Fart. It is usually experienced during such activities as ironing, cleaning the oven, vacuuming, washing dishes, making beds, reading the newspaper or using the Johnny mop. It is usually of the phartus phartus variety.
This is one of the most common types of phartus staticus and is usually known as the Dinner Fart. The output will usually reflect the producer’s lunch intake. It has been cited as the cause of many family arguments, but should be noted that the phartus majoris is, in fact, not more than a scapegoat for a more deeply rooted family problem. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – Phartus Majoris, Post Majoris, and Cellulous
The following are the most common varieties of the stationary fart. The list has been compiled from years of research and study and does not, in fact, contain each and every possible variety. It does, however, contain the most often reported types and is therefore as usable a reference as is available at this time. Continue reading Uncle Mike’s Original Fart Book – The Stationary Fart (Pharticus Staticus)
The hot, dry season in Texas, yes we only have one season down here, led me to a massive discovery that I now must share with you. And my what a lovely opportunity as well. Of all the searches of all the Googles, I’ve yet to find any information on this so it’s my job to show you what I’m talking about. Oh, “What is it?”, you say? It’s Booger Darts. Continue reading Booger Darts